So, you’re heading out on errands or a road trip with your toddler, and you’re dreading the migraine that just may come alongside a car seat tantrum. Your toddler is in the exact age range to seek constant motion – they are crawling, walking, grabbing, playing and babbling, and they never want to stop!
This is all cute and fun, until it comes time for the car seat. Car safety has a way of translating to your child as a punishment, rather than a safety precaution. So – what can you do to make their car ride more bearable for the both of you? Don’t worry, we’ve got you covered.
“The Terrible Twos”
Toddler ages can be very difficult for both you as a parent, and your child. As your child grows, they are developing stronger social skills and are experiencing physical changes that make them more apt to running, jumping, and playing. With that said, it is completely natural for your toddler to want to constantly be running, chatting, and so on.
With all that said, their constant moving and playing and talking comes screeching to a halt at the sight of a car seat. To your child, their car seat is a physical restraint that keeps them from being able to do everything they want to do. Their car seat may even be uncomfortable on top of that, making the experience all the more upsetting.
It’s important to understand your child’s perspective when it comes to a car seat tantrum, and know how to draw the line between empathizing with their frustration and staying firm on the need for their safety.
We know, a crying baby while driving can be quite the day ruiner and make your to-do list near impossible. By staying calm and allowing your child to express their emotions, you will have a clearer headspace to try out our tips and tricks to make this process easier.
Car Seat Safety First – Remain Calm, But Firm
As mentioned above, it’s important to remain firm in your child’s safety. While your toddler is not yet old enough to understand the grave importance of car safety, you do understand. Remember that while they are upset, you have the most important perspective – and that is safety first. Your child’s car seat is not negotiable, and you can calmly communicate this without coming across angry.
When you go to buckle your tot into their car seat, try to calmly but firmly communicate the actions you are taking. If your child is kicking and screaming, ignore these antics and calmly set them up in their seat accordingly. You may effectively communicate by calmly saying, “I am going to buckle you into your car seat now, to keep you safe on our drive.” The calmer you are able to remain during this time, the more likely your child is to settle down in a timely manner.
If your child continues to throw a tantrum as you drive, it’s recommended that you ignore their antics and calmly focus on the road. You can offer your child some healthy conversation by talking to them about what you see on your drive.
The key to keep in mind here is the necessity of staying calm. It can be incredibly frustrating trying to work with an upset toddler who does not understand that you are keeping them safe, but trusting your own parenting skills and staying focused will help immensely.
Remember that you are the adult, and your child’s safety while in the car is an absolute necessity. Refraining from becoming angry will be much more productive in calming your toddler down, and will keep you in a much clearer mindset to focus on the road.
Special Activities Or Rewards To Stop The Screams
Toddlers are at a great age to introduce a rewards system into your household and/or car. Many parents find it helpful to work out a system with their toddler because it helps to ease the headache of things like car trips, clean up time and naps. It also helps to build your toddler’s understanding of negotiation and fairness, as well as the importance of safety.
It can be very helpful to have “special” snacks or toys that are dedicated to the car, to offer an incentive for your child to willingly get into the car seat and stay calm during the ride. You can start by offering them a snack they enjoy, and communicating that if they calmly get into the car seat and behave during the ride, they can enjoy their snack on the drive.
You can also have specific toys dedicated to the car, such as plushies or simple games to keep them busy. Having multiple available that you can rotate will keep them entertained for longer.
You could also consider limiting your child’s television or electronic time exclusively to the car. This will offer your toddler quite the incentive to behave accordingly, and help to fit in their electronic time outside of family time.
Offer Your Toddler “Free Will”
Parenting can sometimes be easier to cope with when you are able to enter into the mind of your child. When it comes to the toddler years, your child is often set on wanting to do everything for themselves. Oftentimes, anything you do is perceived as wrong to your toddler – but if they are allowed to do it themselves, then it is absolutely right. This trick can certainly come in handy when it comes time for the car seat.
If your child is becoming aggravated as you load and buckle them into their car seat, offer them the opportunity to do it themselves. By allowing your child to climb into the car on their own, and help to buckle themselves in, they are offered a sense of free will that will keep them from feeling so restrained. This little trick can serve as quite the parenting hack!
Communicating With Your Toddler
Calm communication that allows your toddler to answer their own questions can be helpful, too. Talking to your toddler before you even approach the car is a great way to start.
Here’s a little step-by-step when it comes to talking with your toddler about something non-negotiable, like their car seat.
- Keep your tone calm and make eye contact. A calm tone always communicates more effectively than an angry one, and it encourages healthy problem-solving.
- Acknowledge your tot’s feelings. Your toddler wants to know they are being heard just as much as you are talking to them.
- Let them know what you are doing. Filling your toddler in on what is going on will help to keep them from becoming confused and frustrated.
- Offer them incentives or rewards. Positive reinforcement for good behavior will offer long-lasting effects and help to build a positive morale with the car.
Here’s an example that follows the steps above:
“I know you like to play in the car, but today we are going to go to the car and go right to your seat. We are going to buckle in for safety. We will have time to play after your nap.”
By offering your child a calm tone and eye contact, you are communicating that you see them as an equal. Acknowledging what they want to be doing helps to make them feel heard, but communicating what needs to get done helps to set firm boundaries.
Using pronouns like “we” helps to make your toddler feel more involved, like they are helping you complete the important tasks. Offering them time to play after a set activity is a firm reward that you are offering them if they cooperate accordingly.
This form of communication is helpful long-term and establishes boundaries in your relationship with your child. You may not see immediate effects, but sticking with it can greatly improve your toddler’s understanding. If you are communicating with your child this way and they still are becoming aggravated at the car seat, you can offer them a choice.
“Would you like to get into the car seat yourself, or would you like me to pick you up and buckle you in?”
This question sets the car seat as non-negotiable, but still offers a bit of autonomy to help your child feel recognized. Remember that toddlers are simply little adults, and communicating to them as such can really help to make every parent-child negotiation much easier.
Parenting is never easy, and the toddler years can be especially difficult no matter how many children you’ve had. Understanding the importance of patience when it comes to non-negotiable issues, such as your child’s safety, will go a long way. By effectively communicating in a style that will help your child feel validated, they are much more likely to cooperate and catch onto the necessity of safety much quicker.
Last but not least, it’s important to keep in mind that your child is a toddler. They are bound to cry, kick and scream, and struggle to express their emotions – that is all a part of growing up. You are not a bad parent, and your toddler is not a bad child – it’s just a bad day.
Take some Advil. Hang in there. You’ve got this.